The Me from Last Year to This Year
Have my thoughts on Teshuvah changed from last year to this year?
In 2021, I shared this piece about the three steps of Yom Kippur:
And I wrote:
In Unetaneh Tokef, a core piece of liturgy for the High Holidays, we recite this:
וּתְשׁוּבָה וּתְפִלָּה וּצְדָקָה מַעֲבִירִין אֶת רֹעַ הַגְּזֵרָה
Teshuvah, Tefillah, and Tzedakah reduce the evil of the decree.This to me is the absolute core of the entire holiday and encourages us to ask very simple but challenging questions.
I unpack each of these and conclude with:
So yes, Yom Kippur has a lot of pieces, prayers, fasting, and so on, all of which are important. But these three questions are the core:
How could I have been better?
Am I the best I could be?
How am I making the world a better place?
A few weeks ago, I shared this piece about actually doing Teshuvah:
And I wrote:
Teshuvah is done in relationship, in connection, in a dynamic interchange between those who have done harm and those who have been harmed.
And I reflected on our tendency to talk about Teshuvah without doing it.
As we move through Elul, we are invited, not just to talk about Teshuvah, but to do the work. Because if we don’t do it, Yom Kippur will not atone for us.
As I reflect on these two pieces together, I think about the progress we make from year to year (or the lack thereof.)
Did I actually improve? What evidence can I point to?
Science tells us that we, as human beings, change our memories as we remember them. When I think back on the year before, I wonder to myself how accurate my recollections are.
This is why we do Teshuvah in relationship. The Talmud teaches us that we do Teshuvah in front of others, for accountability:
Rav Ḥisda said: And one must appease the one he has insulted with three rows of three people.
These people, whether you’re doing the actual confession and apology in front of others or not, are there to help you remember who you were and who you might have become.
As we enter Yom Kippur at this time, we can ask ourselves these tough questions, not just about who we are today, but the person we became over the course of the year.
You have changed my thinking about Teshuvah. I no longer see it as a hard stop culminating with shemini atzaret, but as an ongoing process during the year. I will now be cognizant of how I handle similar situations the following year that I had previously atoned for in this broader and more meaningful context. On Yom Kippur we pledge without commitment, but the real test is how we measure up during the year. ( I hope I am interpreting your message properly.)