Over the last few weeks, the Torah has told us of Joseph's story; this week, in Parashat Vayigash, we experience the story's climax.
The Torah tells us when Joseph could no longer hide, bursting with emotion, he revealed his identity to his brothers. He encouraged them not to feel guilty because it was part of God's plan to save their lives. Joseph instructed his brothers to bring his father to Egypt, where he would provide for them during the years of famine.
Then, Joseph particularly embraced his brother Benjamin, and then all his brothers more generally. He gifts them items and provisions to help them on their journey.
On several levels, Joseph embraces this moment and allows himself to feel deeply and engage with his brothers in profound ways.
Think long-term and gain a sense of perspective.
In a very physical sense, Joseph and his brother Benjamin embrace one another.
וַיִּפֹּ֛ל עַל־צַוְּארֵ֥י בִנְיָמִֽן־אָחִ֖יו וַיֵּ֑בְךְּ וּבִ֨נְיָמִ֔ן בָּכָ֖ה עַל־צַוָּארָֽיו׃
וַיְנַשֵּׁ֥ק לְכׇל־אֶחָ֖יו וַיֵּ֣בְךְּ עֲלֵהֶ֑ם וְאַ֣חֲרֵי כֵ֔ן דִּבְּר֥וּ אֶחָ֖יו אִתּֽוֹ׃With that he embraced his brother Benjamin around the neck, and Benjamin wept on his neck. He kissed all his brothers and wept upon them; only then were his brothers able to talk to him. (Genesis 45:14)
But there is more here, hidden in the grammar. Yes, I know, grammar.
The Talmud notices something particular:
The verse states: “And he fell [embraced] on his brother Benjamin’s neck [tzavarei].” The word tzavarei is plural, meaning necks. How many necks did Benjamin have?
Rabbi Elazar said: This intimates that Joseph cried over the two Temples that were destined to be in the tribal territory of Benjamin and were destined to be destroyed.
The same verse continues: “And Benjamin wept on his neck”; he cried over the tabernacle of Shiloh that was destined to be in the tribal territory of Joseph and was destined to be destroyed.
Rabbi Elazar explains the usage of the plural was Joseph’s recognition that Benjamin’s tribe will include the city of Jerusalem and the two temples there will be destroyed. On the flip side, Benjamin will identify that the Tabernacle will be destroyed.
We could understand Rabbi Elazar to mean they had literal visions of the future, but I don’t think this is the case.
Within much of our Tradition, we call on the merit of our ancestors. They do it in the Torah, and we do it too. Think of the beginning of the Amidah, for example.
Rabbi Elazar reminds us: we must think of the long-term, broadening our perspective, even to our descendants. Our embrace of one another is not just in the present but includes all the consequences and implications.
Our embrace of one another is an embrace of a potential future we cannot yet imagine.
Give the best of what you have.
As Joseph sends his brothers back to bring their father and the family to Egypt, he sends them gifts along the way.
Several times in this chapter, we’re told the best, מִטּ֣וּב (mee-tuv), will be sent along. Near the end of their gathering, we’re told:
וּלְאָבִ֞יו שָׁלַ֤ח כְּזֹאת֙ עֲשָׂרָ֣ה חֲמֹרִ֔ים נֹשְׂאִ֖ים מִטּ֣וּב מִצְרָ֑יִם וְעֶ֣שֶׂר אֲתֹנֹ֡ת נֹֽ֠שְׂאֹ֠ת בָּ֣ר וָלֶ֧חֶם וּמָז֛וֹן לְאָבִ֖יו לַדָּֽרֶךְ׃
And to his father he sent the following: ten he-donkeys laden with the best things of Egypt, and ten she-donkeys laden with grain, bread, and provisions for his father on the journey. (Genesis 45:23)
We might notice one set of ten donkeys lists the items while the other says “the best of.” What does this mean?
The Talmud asks the same question:
The verse states: “And to his father he sent after this manner ten donkeys laden with the good things of Egypt” (Genesis 45:23). The Gemara asks: What are “the good things of Egypt” that are mentioned but not specified here? Rabbi Binyamin bar Yefet said that Rabbi Elazar said: He sent him aged wine, which the elders find pleasing.
According to Rashi, in addition to wine, he says: “The Midrash states that he sent him split beans.”
What is the answer? Wine and beans. I’m sure you all guessed those things, right?
So what is the point here? Why is this what we’re told is the best?
These two things are important for different reasons. Beans are amazing sources of sustenance and, in a famine, no small thing. On the other hand, wine is luxurious and pleasant, unexpected in such dire circumstances.
This gift, this embrace of Joseph’s reunited family, is the best he could bring. But is it the best thing?
In Pirkei Avot, Shammai teaches we should encounter each other with a pleasant face. This is relevant because Shammai was a bit of a grouch, so if he says it, he means it.
Avot D’Rabbi Natan is an early commentary on Pirkei Avot and says the following:
“Greet every person with a pleasant countenance.” What does this mean? It teaches us that even if a person gives someone the most precious gifts in the world but their face is gloomy, then the Torah considers it as if they gave nothing. But one who greets their friend with a pleasant countenance is considered to have given the best gifts in the world, even if they did not actually give any gifts at all.
Joseph doesn’t just offer to help his brothers. He doesn’t do it begrudgingly. He embraces them fully, joyously, and with great encouragement.
Speak honestly and let your heart be true.
We might think Joseph has more manipulations in mind after all he puts his brothers through, but he makes it clear his embrace is genuine.
Immediately after Rabbi Elazar teaches the lesson of the necks mentioned above, he says the following:
The verse states: “And behold, your eyes see, and the eyes of my brother Benjamin” (Genesis 45:12). Rabbi Elazar said: Joseph said to his brothers as follows: Just as I certainly harbor no resentment in my heart toward my brother Benjamin, for he was not even present when I was sold, so too, I harbor no resentment toward you. The verse continues: “That it is my mouth [ki fi] that speaks to you” (Genesis 45:12), i.e., As my mouth [kefi] is, so is my heart.
If we do not engage with honesty and transparency, it will be difficult to reconcile and connect with others. Especially with such difficulty in the past, it is much more powerful to have Joseph explain here: what you see is what you get.
Focus on what you have learned.
Finally, we get to the final lesson. Last week, in the context of traveling during a famine, we learned we should not discuss Halakhah while on the way. This was derived from Joseph telling his brothers not to quarrel on their way back to Jacob’s house. I wrote:
The Talmud goes on to explain that Rabbi Elazar is talking about exploring a new piece of Torah or Halakhah in depth rather than Rabbi Elai bar Berekhya is discussing reviewing something already learned.
Rabbi Elazar is teaching us something else about the embrace of Joseph and his brothers.
Joseph encourages his brothers to take this as a lesson and move forward. It is not worth it to continue to engage in further recriminations or try to blame one another.
Learn this lesson and move on.
In most relationships, it still sits in our hearts even when a fight has happened and people move on. Have you ever gotten into an argument and brought up a past injustice that seemingly was over and done with? All of us have done that.
Joseph and Rabbi Elazar remind us we should avoid this exact behavior.
The Multi-Dimensional Embrace
This story can teach us about physically, emotionally, and spiritually embracing others.
We recognize that our actions and choices have a ripple effect and can have long-term consequences, expected and unexpected. When we embrace someone, we might remember the connection lives beyond the present.
When we give of ourselves, we should strive to be our best. When we encounter someone, it can be easy to not deeply engage. We all have things to do and thoughts swirling in our minds. Instead, we can be present, offering the best we have available.
Transparency, in heart and deed, is a powerful way to interact.
There is always much to learn, but not all at once. At the right time, it is ok to learn the big lesson and move forward.